When Zoilo was a teenager, he would go down by the shore to skip rocks off the water or maybe have a swim. Sometimes, he would just sit there by himself and stare out at the water. It was a good place to be alone and think. There were no mountains or trees on the water, so he could see for miles and miles. His thoughts seemed to stretch further there, because they had more space to fill.
Sometimes a cruise ship would go by, and the passengers would wave at Zoilo. They were mostly older, white, wealthy people. They always looked really bored, leaning against the rail and looking in all directions for something to wave at. Zoilo felt that way too, sitting on the shore watching the clouds turn pink as the sun went down.
One night, the ship was full of college students dancing to a reggae band. Zoilo noticed no one on the ship was wearing pants. The security guard was standing in his normal position at the back of the ship, near the flag pole. Tonight, however, he had taken Old Glory down and raised his navy blue polyester slacks up the pole. Zoilo watched the security guard take a giant swig of beer from a huge glass shaped like an anchor.
When the security guard noticed Zoilo on the shore, he grabbed a pirate hat off a half-naked woman and put it on his head. Then, he shouted to Zoilo, "Arrr! Take off yer pants, matey!" Zoilo sat perfectly still, as if he didn't notice the ship was there. When it floated out of sight, he stood up and went home. His parents were out, and the house was very quiet. The telephone refused to ring.
Zoilo decided the next time someone shouted at him to take off his pants, he would take them off immediately. He would swing them wildly over his head like a weapon. He also decided he would start to drink alcohol at the first available opportunity. He went down to the shore the next night and imagined what it would be like to take off his pants and get drunk. His life would never be the same.
Paul Lundgren is a newspaper columnist and a very nice man. His e-mail address is paul [at] geekprom.com.
