It takes a lot of effort to keep people from pointing and laughing at you. Even if you're attractive, highly educated and gainfully employed, there are still those who will consider you a target for ridicule if you're not careful.
The list of things people will make fun of you for is endless. They'll make fun of you for being rich, and for being poor. They'll make fun of you for being a virgin, and for being a whore. They'll make fun of you for being different in even the most general ways, and for being like everyone else. They'll even make fun of you for doing nothing.
In fact, doing nothing almost guarantees that you will be laughed at. Try standing on a street corner and staring off into space. It won't be long before someone shouts, "Hey look everybody! It's a homeless retard!"
This offends me deeply because I believe there is nothing nobler than standing alone, doing nothing. Don't get me wrong, I put in my 40 hours at work. I scrub my bathtub and vote in every election. But when it comes time to relax at the end of the day, I avoid all active relaxing -- all the reading and golfing and drinking -- and I stand alone and do nothing.
I'm not meditating and I'm not practicing yoga. Those activities are something. I'm focused on good old-fashioned nothing. I'm not trying to have a poetic moment or connect with my creator or discover some useful knowledge about myself. I'm not doing any thinking at all. I'm just standing alone, doing nothing.
It's amazing how few people do nothing when it's so easy to do. All that's required is that you stop doing what you're doing. Stand still as long as you want and walk away when you're done.
Standing still and doing nothing is the most beautiful and freeing thing in the world. It's also the first step toward becoming the homeless retard you've always wanted to be.
Paul Lundgren is a newspaper columnist and a very nice man. His e-mail address is paul[at]geekprom.com.
