The fire alarm in my building goes off at all hours, for some unknown reason. It happens two or three times a month, so I don't bother evacuating my apartment. I just turn the volume way up on my stereo or bury my head between two pillows.
It takes about five minutes for the fire department to arrive, and then another minute or two for them to turn the alarm off. I never pay any attention to how many firefighters show up or how they determine that it's a false alarm so quickly.
Sometimes I look out the window to see if any of my neighbors are outside. It's not that I think there might be a real fire; I just want to laugh at any new tenants or sticklers for the rules who might be pacing around out there, alone and cold.
I always hear the hallway door close right after the alarm goes off. When I first moved in, I thought it was some hooligan escaping the building after pulling the alarm, so I'd run to the window to see if I could catch him running away.
After a while I figured out that the hallway doors, which are normally propped open, will automatically close whenever the fire alarm goes off. I've also been told that there is a problem with the smoke detection system, and that there is not a merry prankster pulling the alarm for laughs.
When I was in elementary school, I was warned not to pull the fire alarm as a prank because ink would shoot out at me and everyone would know that I did it. To this day I don't know if that's true, but it sure is a great deterrent.
I really do want to pull that fire alarm. It's hard to tell just by looking at it how it works or what it will feel like. I don't want to bother anyone or hear the sound of that annoying alarm; I just want the alarm-pulling experience.
Sometimes, when the alarm is going off in my building, I wonder if it would matter if I went out into the hallway and pulled that tempting little lever. After all, if the alarm is already going off, what harm could I cause? Except maybe an ink stain on my hand.
Paul Lundgren is a newspaper columnist and a very nice man. His e-mail address is paul[at]geekprom.com.
