The Dream Me does things the Real Me can only dream about. He rides buffalo in the rodeo. He grows his hair down to the floor. He flies over mountains and perches on the tops of radio towers.
The Real Me doesn't always find out what the Dream Me has been up to. When he does, it's usually an immediate recollection of a single adventure, and a feeling like maybe he was there, too.
Every now and then, the Real Me discovers a buried memory of an incident that the Dream Me has been keeping a secret. It's usually some strange, repeated behavior, like driving a school bus full of burritos to the Hebrew Cemetery. It doesn't seem to make any sense.
One night the Dream Me was in a long, empty room with the Dream Girl. They were sitting on office chairs, gliding around on the hardwood floor in slow motion. They were giddy, like little kids sliding on a patch of ice. Their chairs started bouncing against each other like carnival bumper-cars. The Dream Girl was laughing and blushing. The Dream Me was sexually excited.
When one of the collisions threw the Dream Me out of his chair, he landed awkwardly on the Dream Girl's lap. His nose touched her cheek. She stopped laughing. The chairs stopped moving. The Dream World stopped dreaming.
The Dream Me closed his eyes and brought his face slowly toward the Dream Girl's. His mouth fell awkwardly on her nose, and stayed paralyzed there until her hand touched his cheek and guided their lips together. It was real.
I stood there for a moment, in between the Dream Me and the Real Me, wondering why this was happening. Why was this so exciting and so disappointing? Why did the Dream Girl disappear and leave all three of us here alone?
When the Real Me thinks about the Dream Girl now, he feels guilty. The Dream Me has already had an affair with Lisa Bonet. He also accidentally shattered the Dream Girl's hip by dropping a bowling ball on her lap.
The Real Me is a lot like the Dream Me. The Real Me could kiss the Dream Girl and take hold of the moment, but he couldn't love her into the Real World.
The Dream Me is always a step ahead. In passion, love, disaster and worry, the Dream Me is always holding auditions for reality. I wish the Dream Girl had been cast in a better role.
Paul Lundgren is a newspaper columnist and a very nice man. His e-mail address is paul [at] geekprom.com.
