As an informed, articulate member of the media it is my responsibility to provide well-reasoned, unbiased analysis on topics relevant to modern society. I fulfill that duty by occasionally writing brief, critical reviews.
Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton continue to vie for the Democratic nomination in the presidential race. Critical Review: Clinton is far more annoying than Obama, so it's surprising that she's not winning.
Gas prices have hit a record high. Critical Review: Something needs to be done about this, not because of the financial implications, but because talking about gas prices was already boring two years ago.
Crystal is out of the office and cannot reply to my e-mail. Critical Review: Oh, like Crystal is so important that I'll be totally lost if I don't receive an out-of-office reply from her telling me she won't read my e-mail until tomorrow.
Authorities in Texas removed more than 400 children from a polygamist compound based on allegations of a pattern of sexual abuse by the sect. Critical Review: Sure, the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is composed of inbred loonballs, but there's bound to be sexual deviance anywhere sexy prairie-style dresses are worn.
According to a recorded message that automatically dials my telephone four times a week, the warranty on my automobile is about to expire. Critical Review: Although I've never had a warranty on any car I've owned, the fact that I received dozens of "final warnings" about this leads me to believe I should take action.
A simple, free call to the National Do Not Call Registry will prevent telemarketers from bothering me. Critical Review: I can't believe I waited so long to do this. It takes less than 30 seconds to register.
On Feb. 17, most television stations will stop broadcasting in analog format. People who don't have cable, satellite or a digital television need to buy a digital-to-analog converter box to watch TV. Critical Review: Having purchased my converter, I now have four remote controls, my VCR doesn't work unless the converter is tuned to the channel I want to record, and, when the reception is bad, the sound and picture completely cut out. On the other hand, when it works my picture is slightly improved. Also, in addition to the standard five channels, there are seven new channels with programs as scintillating as reruns of The Cosby Show and hours upon hours of hunting and fishing.
Paul Lundgren is a newspaper columnist and a very nice man. His e-mail address is paul @ geekprom.com.
